Thursday, December 30, 2010


We have had some warm weather today, so the snow (mostly) melted and we got to go outside. But except for our outing, it has been a pretty crappy day. Anthony slept in and then starting whining and having a tantrum and has barely stopped at all. I don't even know what to say about it anymore. He has a cold, and a runny nose, so maybe that's bothering him? It's very hard to say. It's impossible for Anthony to say.

The other day I put some tights on Maria. She wanted to wear a dress and it was freezing out, so I put these tights on her and her boots and she went somewhere with Mike. She came home and wanted the boots off and then she was shoving her foot at me, too, but I told her she should keep the tights on. She said, showing me her tights were gathered at her toe, "my tights are wiggly". So I fixed them and we moved on. I felt so bad, thinking about it later. Here's Maria, not three years old, and she knows that she doesn't even have to say the right word, exactly, to get her needs met. Her tights weren't really 'wiggly', but I knew what she meant, with the visual, and I could fix it. Hell, she could have probably fixed it if she wanted to.

Mike and I spend all day and night guessing what is wrong with Anthony, exactly what bug has crawled up his ass now. SOMEtimes it works, but it never works for long. It's so frustrating to not be able to help him and it sort of adds insult to injury when you get, like, kicked in the throat or punched for your trouble. I do not understand what I am supposed to be doing for him.

His school is closed on MLK day this year. The director wrote an email and said that they were going to have staff training that day. Because they are open so much, and the kids are always there, the staff has to go to training on the weekends a lot, so this seems like the best solution, she said, and I can see that. But she said that since a lot of schools are closed, many families keep their children home anyway and I think who? Who does that? Because it is hell on earth when Anthony is home and not in school and I just - I guess other people have very different lives, even families who have kids with autism. It sucks and I hate it. I hate being so worried about what we are going to do with him for the week. We can't take him to the museum or anywhere because EVERYONE is off from school and it's hard for us to handle the crowd with him. It feels very upside down, here lately. I am just glad that Mike is off on MLK day too so that it won't be just me with the three of them. I know that is a terrible way to feel and I wish I didn't, but there it is.

Anyway, nice pictures, right? He really was happy to get outside. We're going to try to go for a walk tomorrow. We'll just keep trying and trying until it gets better or we are worn down to nubs and we all have to go live in a home somewhere.
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