Haircut

Well this is a big deal, right?  That was a lot of hair we cut off of him yesterday.  Mike and I have been noticing that his hair is kind of tangly again and it's been super hot here so we decided we'd cut it in May and then yesterday morning we just decided to go ahead and do it.  We sat him in Veronica's chair and put the cape on him, he was fine but whiny, tense.  I cut it with scissors and then we used the clippers and then when we were finished he FLIPPED OUT but then he got in the bath and then he seemed better.  I hate to upset him but I think ultimately it will make him feel better.  It's so hard to tell.

He has been doing well at school and not so well at home.  He is unhappier than I would like him to be.  He is also bolting a lot lately.  I think it's a combination of his age and the weather.  I think instinct wise, everyone is a little nuts when the weather gets like this IN MARCH.  The girls are kind of crazy, too.  I mean, it was 81 today and is going to be 83 tomorrow!  Sunday in church he ran away from us, not once but twice and the second time, I thought for sure he was going to run right up on that altar.  I could see him in my mind, breaking some hundred year old statue, sheesh, I was DYING.  Also, to add to the hilarity, I had the baby in the carrier on my chest, but we were both SOAKED because I brought this stupid dud bottle that leaked all over both of us.  She was pressed up against me but I needed her to cover me because I had kind of a wet tshirt situation going on IN CHURCH.  Ay yi yi!  It was crazytown, indeed.

We went to the park on Saturday and we ran into an old therapist of his.  I am friends with her on Facebook, she is super nice and has two little kids herself.  Anyway, she was saying that Anthony was always special to her and he reminded her of Peter Pan, which I thought was so sweet.  I don't think this about all my kids but I do feel like Anthony has a very special way about him, outside of everything else, where you just want to love him.  Ha ha, when he is crawling all over the countertops and knocking stuff down and breaking glasses, I think to myself that he may be difficult to LIKE or to LIVE WITH or to keep a CLEAN HOUSE with, but he is so, so easy to love.  It feels like breathing, to me, loving Anthony.  Anyways.  That's our update on Anthony.

Oh!  I forgot!  He has been driving us mad, MAD, I tell you, with this taking off his pajamas.  We have had a few incidents wherein Mike and I are doing major, MAJOR clean up of his room in the night, and it stinks.  The duct tape that we put around his pajamas just wasn't working anymore and it was super frustrating.  So I googled 'autism, removing pajamas, help' or something and I found these.  They are PERFECT and they weren't expensive at all.  We bought three pair and we might get more.  He is going crazy taking off his clothes on the weekend and when I go to work it's very hard on Mike.  This is funny, actually.  We have a giant window in our living room that looks right out on the street.  I used to have a bassinet filled with stuffed animals right in front of the window and a few times before I moved it up to the baby's room, Anthony has thrown those animals out and gotten in with NO CLOTHES and one time he POOPED in it!  I know it's gross but it's kind of funny because I'm all, Anthony, really?  We have to do it in FRONT OF THE GIANT WINDOW?  Sheesh.

Anyways, the pajamas are working out really well.  The are such a nice light material, I'm much happier with them for summer than the fleece ones anyway and they are snug to his ankles but don't have feet, which I think he prefers.

He has some more outings coming up at school which I'm sure he'll love.  I am signing him up for camp again this week, it will be in July and just one week.  We are moving forward, which is all that matters, I suppose.

Sick

Anthony is sick, and he can't go to the circus today, which was the scheduled field trip at school.  That is the bad news.  The good news is that he is by FAR the healthiest of all four, well, maybe it's a tie between him and Felicity, but he has only thrown up once, yesterday, and nothing since.  Now his sickness is taking the form of sleeping in this morning and being incredibly noisy and fretful about being home from school.

There's a woman who I read on the internet who has twins who are nine months old and one is in the hospital, with RSV and has to have oxygen and she is nursing both, it sounds so horrible and impossible.  I am trying to think of her this week and think of how even though all the kids are sick, they are all here and not in the hospital. I am tired but I'm not as tired as I could be.  We have, overall, been lucky this cold and flu season, but still.  It's a pain!  And he doesn't care about going to the circus, I don't think, but I'm still sad about it.

WOW

I am a terrible updater.  Mike is out at the store and getting dinner, so I am going to try to update all the blogs tonight.  I feel kind of ridiculous sometimes, doing these blogs, because people so rarely comment and I feel I am typing into a VOID sometimes.  Then I think of it as a journal, but it's not really, so anyway, LONG TIME, SORRY!

Anthony is doing just fine.  He is really back on track with the potty training at school and despite the fact that he didn't have a great day today, he is doing well at home too.  He is still kind of tantrumy, kind of sad and whiny, more than we would like but what can you do?  He has been doing great at school and got to work some with Pam, his first therapist, this week, which is always a treat.

He's been swimming on Thursdays, we're signing up again, as he really likes it.  Sometimes he really swims away too and I think his teacher is a no-guff type person, which is always best for him.  It's an adapted swimming program, and it's great that the Y has it but I sometimes wish the teachers knew a little more about autism.  They are forever SHOWING him how to do things and expecting him to mimic them, but of course, Anthony can't learn that way.  So then I have to tell them and then I feel like I am overstepping my boundaries, etc.  But I do it anyway.  It reminds me of when my nephew Parker was little (he is going to be TWENTY this week, aahhhhh!), I asked him how he liked summer day camp and he said it was fine.  I said, do you like all the people, the kids? and he said he liked everyone except this one girl, he said she was a real KNOW IT ALL.  I said, well what does she do and he said, she's the swim teacher, ha!  I said, well, she does know it all, then!

What else.  He was in a bad sleeping cycle for a while but he always works his way out of it.  His legs are getting super tight again from him walking on his toes.  I hate to do it but we might have to put him in braces, ugh.  I am going to try to avoid it, but I can't not do it just because it bugs me.  Things are fine, we are working away, as usual.

I had a thought last week, though.  I have this friend Marta and she has this husband, Davide.  They are from Italy and she is a great friend to me.  They have three kids and we recently had lunch with their family, out at Pat's, where I work.  It was fun and Anthony sat in between Marta and Davide.  Davide is really nice to Anthony, they both are, they just treat him like everyone else and they say HI and ... I don't know, they just treat him in a normal way, which I appreciate.  So Anthony sat in between them and ate his lunch and sort of leaned on Davide, like he does and I could tell he liked them.  Davide said something later about how nice Anthony was, how sweet he was, and I thought, he IS!  He really is sweet!  I told Mike later, I get so hung up in the future of things, so worried about Anthony getting bigger, and kicking my ass, and maybe KILLING ME, like I read about in stories, that I don't ever even look at him.  I can't even see the sweet thing that he is because I'm afraid he might get older and kill me!  Isn't that crazy?  That is what it's liked to be ruled by fear and not by love and I am working on it but I'm grateful to have friends and Anthony's therapists to remind me of how great and cute and sweet he is.  We're all really lucky, even if I can't feel it all the time.

Dog Show

Just a quick note to say that Anthony went on a field trip to a dog show.  A DOG show!  We were nervous but he did great, his therapist said.  She said that he even went over on his own to pet a dog, which, come ON!  I said it on Facebook and it's true, you never know anything with these weirdos.  I'm so proud of him, and so happy that he enjoys these outings so much.

Outings

What's Anthony been up to?, you might be wondering.  Ha, not much.  He went to see his developmental pediatrician last week, Mike took him.  He has to go every six months to get his prescription renewed for ABA therapy.  It's SO ridiculous.  The doctor seems very nice and smart but honestly, he has nothing to tell us that we don't already know.  If Anthony isn't sleeping well, he can prescribe sleeping pills.  If Anthony is tense, he can put him on anti-anxiety medication.  That's it!  All he can do is prescribe medicine!  He's nice, as I said, and he seems .. impressed that we are - I don't know, even working with Anthony.  Like, what else would we do?  He's six years old!  I still have some hope for the old boy, sheesh!

He makes you wait forever, this doctor, and it's so crappy because we are only there to get our letter from him.  BUT like Mike says, it's just twice a year, big deal.  It's a small price to pay in order to have his therapy covered.

He is going to go on some outings at school.  He's going to see The Lorax movie and also he is going to a Dog Show, ha ha.  This is funny because Anthony is scared to death of dogs but as I told Mike, it's not like they're going to throw him in the ring with them, he's just going to look at them.  I imagine if he doesn't like it, they'll take him out.  I'm so glad he goes on outings at school, I don't really even care where he goes, as long as he's out in the world.

Speaking of the world, we went to Mass at our church for the second week in a row and it went okay.  It didn't go as well this week as it did last week but what can you do?  It's a Children's Mass and we sit in the back, in fact this week in the last row, so that we can get out if we need to.  We get their early so that people can consciously make the decision to sit near us and when they do, if they feel the need to give us a dirty look, I can just shrug my shoulders, like, "sorry, Charlie, you decided to SIT NEAR US!".  This week a single lady and a couple sat in front of us and they both seemed a little - not mad but they seemed like tightasses, kind of.  And to them I say, a) don't come to a Children's Mass, which is full of CHILDREN and b) don't sit in the back, dummies!  Get up front with the old people!  But it went well, we are joining this parish and the girls will go to school there.  How I wish there were something for Anthony there, but there's not.

Lastly, the sad news is that Anthony's great grandmother, Mike's grandmother Pat, died last week.  She was an extremely good grandmother to Mike and she was a super nice person to me.  I remember shortly after Anthony was diagnosed, we went to her house and Anthony had wandered into her bedroom, so we went in after him.  He was saying the alphabet, which I was signing, and he was so great at it.  She said to me, Oh Joanne!  Look at smart he is!  He's going to be fine!, and I have never forgotten it, I think about it all the time, I think about her saying that and I think that's true!  He is smart and he will be fine.  She and I had a great correspondence by mail and I will really miss getting letters from her.  We didn't see nearly enough of her in the last couple years because everyone hates the car so much, but I'm glad that we exchanged letters, she was always incredibly supportive of me and all these kids and I loved her for it.  We'll miss her.

Rare Sighting

I know this is blurry but I have to post it. He is rubbing her head! He loves her, deep down, and lately he's been into rubbing her head. We went to Mass today and I was holding her, cradling her, with her head facing where Anthony was and he rubbed her head and then WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, he sort of popped her in the head! HA! She didn't even blink, it wasn't hard but it freaked me out. She looks like him, to me, and maybe he recognizes his own. Or maybe he's getting more used to use bringing home a baby girl every two years or so, ha!

He has been doing well, I was telling ... either my mom or dad, I can't remember, that I feel like I hardly see him anymore. He leaves for school at 8:00 in the morning and I go get him at 4:30, we come home, have dinner, take baths and go to bed, basically. And sometimes he's not that pleasant just during those short periods of time! But mostly he is and we've had a good weekend, he's swimming again on Thursdays, which he really likes. He was very, VERY good in church today, we all six sat for almost the entire Mass! Mike and I barely looked at each other, we so didn't want to jinx it.

Oh, my friend Elvina, who I used to work with in New York, wrote this incredible piece about having another child after your first has special needs. She is a beautiful writer and I recommend her blog anyway, but this piece is just amazing. It really touches me. If anyone ever asked me how I dared to have more kids after having Anthony, and believe me, THEY HAVE, I always say the same thing - I love Anthony so much and he really has done more for me than he's taken away. YES he is exhausting but so is Maria! So is Veevsy Voo! So are they all, so was John (ha ha) to my parents! He is my first baby, I will never ever be the same after I had him, and then we had the chance to feel that feeling four times in our marriage? I - I don't get the problem. Yes, I was wracked with fear through the other pregnancies that I had. I suppose I am grateful that I have girls after Anthony because they are less likely to have autism. But that's just details. It's too much to talk about human beings like they are not complete miracles, I can't do it. I can't say, well we could have a non-special needs baby, so we'll RISK IT. Of course, we are just merrily having all the children that God gives us, but I feel lucky that I never had to really make a choice like that. I THINK I'd decide what we've decided, but who knows? Anyways, I thought it was a lovely piece and she's a great writer and I miss her a lot, so here it is if you want to read it, too.

Long Time

I have so many thoughts when I see this picture! I was just looking through Picasa tonight, trying to find a picture to print out for Mike's grandmother's letter. Here are my thoughts:

I loved those pajamas, I wore them OUT. I had two pair and it was such a uniform for me. They were from Target and I never found another pair that I liked as much, to date.

I look so freaking young, don't I? I do, trust me. I had long hair. I look pretty thin, too. Waaah!

Anthony was so cute, so OVER me all the time, he looks kind of mad, right? But look at his sweet mouth and cheeks. He had more hair as a baby than any of them.

I can't believe this was six years ago. I can't believe I used to think how much easier it would get. But it doesn't really get easier, just hard in a different way.

I bought him a new pool for a ball pit. I swear I am going to make it my LIFE'S WORK to make this ball pit work for him. It's a giant pool, 110" long, it's almost as big as his bed! It has higher sides and he can really get in there. I'm going to get more balls for it. What he does right now is climb in and rub his belly on the sides, which is good. I mean, he likes a smooth surface and better the pool than my belly, ha! But then he starts throwing the balls out of the pool, which, ugh, is NOT the point. So I'm going to try more balls and see where we go from there. I know I have said balls a lot, I can't help it, ha!