I Gave My Love a Cherry...

 
 
Playing his guitar, kind of. He came in the kitchen moments after I took this with the strap all wrapped around his leg. Sheesh.

I Like This One Too

 
I think it's the shirt color, he looks excellent right?

More, Outside

 
 
I do think he's happy, most of the time. Mike and I are trying to find a balance between therapy and just playing and it's difficult. I feel bad when people are disappointed in Anthony, when they wish that he were 'normal'. He's not, really, but I find myself caring less and less. We are offering Anthony everything we can (except knives, ha ha) and I have faith that he will be okay. I really wish that everyone in his life felt that way.

Outside, before Bedtime

 
 
 
Anthony went to bed super late last night, both Mike and I fell asleep before him so we're not sure when, and he only slept until 7:00 this morning, so he's tired. I tried to make sure he didn't nap and although we had a few near misses, he's been up all day, so hopefully he'll sleep well tonight. I thought he had a problem at speech therapy today because his teacher told me he had an 'incident', but apparently he just whacked her in the head but not on purpose. She said she, like, saw stars! and I said I knew how that felt. I was sorry he hit her but glad he didn't do anything intentionally.

Mom Thing

Here's an exercise that I found online and I am putting it on both their blogs, for posterity's sake.

RULE #1: Admit that One thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It is over with, it is in the past. Remember, you're a good Mom!

This is funny, right? Hmmm. I wonder if I can 'admit' ONE thing that I feel awful about being a Mom. How about EVERYTHING? Ha. I kid.

I feel awful about the way that I talk to and about my kids, but I don't really intend to stop so...I don't know if I can put it in the past. What I should maybe do is when I say some (bad but true) thing about my kids, I should immediately say some (good and also true) thing about my kids. Then at least I will have some balance. I think it is important for me to say the truth about my kids (and other people's kids - ha, kidding), because I can't STAND it when people blather on about how AWESOME it is to be pregnant or to be a MOMMY, but I really don't want to be the kind of person who swears in front of their kids or says mean things to them.


RULE #2: To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY, that you rock!

Why am I even doing this? I hate when women say what good moms they are. "I'm a FABULOUS mother", this one mom I know says, and we all (we know who we are) think "oh shut up, you are NOT". I don't know any fabulous mother that goes around saying how fabulous she is. And I know mostly fabulous mothers! Anyway. I don't think that the following things make me a good mom, I think they just make me a MOTHER.

1. I have a never ending font of love for my kids. I never don't love them and feel like it is my duty to take care of them and make them as happy as possible, both in the moment and in the future.

2. I have a good sense of humor, or I used to. Sometimes I think of my friend Adam, who always says that when something bad is happening, you should try and think what kind of story it will make someday and then just TELL the story to yourself, so that you don't have to waste time worrying about it, just make it funny.

3. I am more patient with my children than I thought I could ever be with anyone. I would never EVER let anyone else get away with .. ugh, everything that they do - hitting me, peeing on me, THROWING UP IN MY MOUTH (Anthony), waking me up, biting me, etc., etc. While I can't say it feels like a feather when Anthony whacks me in the face, or Maria head butts me, I can say that I hardly ever cock my fist back to punch them. Hardly ever! Fabulous mother! :)

4. I stay home with them. It is the worst job I have ever had, for many reasons, but I truly think it's better for them, especially Anthony, so I'm glad I do it.

5. I try and dress them well. I have a lot of help, of course, because our parents and families give us clothes for them, but I try and make them look nice so that if their behavior is not exactly perfect (ha, ha), maybe shallow people will be sold on their looks and we can buy them a little time for their goodness to shine.

6. I married Mike and he is their father. He is the best thing about the whole family, really, as far as being a good Dad, and a good husband. They love him so much and they get so excited to see him when he comes home, it's crazy. He comes home every day for lunch and he comes home right after work and he takes Anthony to school and he just - he is an excellent father (fabulous, even!) and we are all lucky to have him. But they didn't pick him, I did, so I am taking credit. :)

7. I put their needs ahead of mine. Ultimately, I know this is also good for me, but it works for them right now so I will put it in the 'something I do for them' list.

I am really glad I could come up with seven!

Oblivious to Theft

 
Ha, he is so into flipping that thing that he's not even looking at Maria BOLDLY stealing his popcorn! He had a good day at school today, tomorrow he and Mike are going on a Field Trip to the Zoo, which should be interesting. I am going to be at the ready, should I have to go and get them. We had to buy some onesies (which thank God come in sizes up to 4T) because he keeps putting his hands in his pants and if there is anything in there (gross), he just smushes it all over his clothes. We are hoping that if we keep him in these onesies for a few weeks, it will break him of the habit. He is gross but cute. :)

From Yesterday

 
Messing around with focal black and white.

Case Conference

Also, we had Anthony's Case Conference, or IEP (Individualized Education Plan) at school today. It went fine. We really love Anthony's teacher and love his speech therapist there. We are working on a relationship with his occupational therapist, but it's hard because she was gone on maternity leave at the beginning of the school year. It is very frustrating and I really hope for all of our sakes that Anthony makes some progress before he gets older and needs more. The OT told me today that 30 minutes per week is what is recommended for ALL the students there, I guess the ones that are Anthony's age? All of them, I asked? Ones with autism, ones with Down Syndrome, ones that are mentally retarded? All of them, she said. I asked do the people that make these decisions know that neurological disorders are somewhat complicated? Can you imagine? So we pushed back and got his OT time doubled at school, it really wasn't a problem. But it's sad, really, because I am a mouthy girl and I have nothing better to do than haunt his teachers and therapists but there are LOTS of parents at Anthony's school that don't have the time nor inclination to fight like we do and should their children not get what they need because of that? It's very frustrating and makes me weep for the future. At one point today I thought we had to decide whether or not we would work on Anthony 1) becoming toilet trained, 2) washing his hands, or 3) learning to color with crayons. I said that we had HIGH hopes, we wanted him to pee in the toilet, wash his hands after, and then color a freaking picture of the toilet when he was done. Good God.

Alarm

 

What the hell is SHE doing here? The wagon ride went south pretty quickly. :)

Pensive

 
In the wagon.

Reflection

 
He likes to open and close the screen door. He also likes to throw up plastic bags in the air and watch them fall to the ground. We are digging on gravity around here! This is his Easter gift outfit from Mike's mom, isn't it cute and summery? Anthony had OT today with Mim, and it went great - he is really making great strides and it is really great for us to be able to go just the two of us, so I owe a big thank you to my Mom for babysitting Maria so I can just go.

Bad Day

 
He had a bad tantrum at school today and then while his teacher was telling Mike about it, he flipped out again because Mike came to get him. Neither of us feel great but Mike was dressed when it was time to get him, so he went. We have decided that Anthony is just going to skip school the day that the baby is born - neither of us wants to put anyone else through going to get him when Anthony is expecting me. He has been better since we've been home but man - he can really be impossible when he wants to.

Memory

 
I have no more memory anymore so I can't say what this picture is, because I have forgotten in the five seconds it has taken to post this. Sheesh.

I Couldn't Chose One

 
 
 
I love these pictures, although I guess I am going to have to accept the fact that we have to cut.that.HAIR!

Millions

 
I took millions of pictures of him just now, we were out in the yard playing. Playing, these days, consists of Anthony saying "whee" to me and then I have to say "whee!" to him. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing an acting exercise, like we say the same nonsense word over and over to each other, but with different intonation. It's not really the same, though, because Anthony likes to hear the SAME intonation over and over. My head hurts from saying WHEE! and I'm glad we don't have neighbors, because I would find that SUPER annoying if I were next door to it.

Ugh, Bugs.

 
I hate bugs and nature. :(

The Thinker

 
...kind of. He is fretful today. It's crappy out and was yesterday too and maybe we are just all over the weather? Plus Mike is in trial this week so he doesn't come home in the day and we are missing him, too.

Sigh

 
Dreamboat.

Old Buckethead

 

Wind Chimes

 
 
 
Anthony and Maria, playing at the tree. Anthony has really started to make Maria respect his authority. It's annoying because he pushes her and we have to really get in there so he doesn't knock her down.

Day Off

 
 
Anthony has off from school today. He is driving me mad already, trying to get to the knives. OF COURSE he wants to play with the knives right? I'm tempted to let him, he is trying so hard. He went upstairs and got the little garbage can that we keep the washcloths in. Then he went into the livingroom and pushed the ottoman in here, then he got a kitchen chair and climbed up to the counter and then reached up to the top of the fridge and got the knives out of the butcher block. I'm going to ask Mike to take them to work and keep them there. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life.

Just Take Those Old Records off the Shelf

 
Ha. He was in this stage of dress this morning when it dawned on me he looked like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. I love this shot because it shows the back of his hair, which looks like a flower to us. He slept ALL night last night, went to bed around 7:00 and slept until around 7:00 without a word. His sister, sadly, did not get the memo and woke up at 4:00 but only briefly. Someday everyone is going to sleep all night, I'm just afraid that day is many years away.

No Easter Pictures

We don't take them to church with us, so they didn't really have a big easter outfit or anything so ... no pictures! We all went for a walk this morning, though, which was ... well I wish it was nice but it's like this: it's nice that we get out in the sun and the fresh air but man, that is it, really. Maria didn't want to be in the wagon after a while, and Anthony likes to be held OR to hold BOTH our hands, which is complicated and blah blah blah focus on the fresh air and sunshine. Anthony woke up in the night, at like 2:30, and was up for quite a while, but so was Maria so I was up anyway AND he went back to sleep which is like a miracle so maybe he'll be okay tonight? I hope? He has no school on Wednesday, which is a pain but not too bad - it would be worse if it was NEXT week that he had no school because Mike is back in his trial and has to leave me here ALONE with them ALL DAY. Ahhhh! Kidding - it's really not going too badly and my parents are home so we have been going over there, which really helps. So I guess what I'm saying here is Happy Easter and maybe next year we'll all go to church together and have outfits and pictures and easter baskets. All five of us. Yikes! :)

Action Shot!

 

Running away from the camera. He has been chatty this morning, I said "let me take your picture" and he said "picture", but then he ran. He went to bed late and woke up early today, he napped several days this week. We have been ALL screwed up lately but I will say this - this is the first Saturday in three that we haven't woken up at like 2:00 in the morning, so that's good.