I was trying to make him laugh

He did, eventually. See his little fire badge sticker? So cute.

Cute

Isn't he so cute? Lord only knows what his dear sister is complaining about here. He had a good week at school, he really enjoys the trips they go on and today they had the fire department come to their school. His therapist said he really liked the truck, sitting in it, looking at the uniforms, etc. She said he liked the truck so much, he didn't want to give anyone else a turn! Ha, I bet!

Does this look like a grad picture to anyone else?  It's not.  We went for a walk today after Anthony had kind of a big meltdown.  He hates Sundays, and so do I.  I am hopeful that he will continue to feel better and do better in school and love us more.  Ha, kidding.  We had a nice weekend - yesterday we went to the park early in the morning, before it got too hot, but it was too late for Anthony.  He just wanted to sit in the dirt, so we left after a short while and went out to lunch, which was verrrry successful, especially for us.  Anthony was the best of the three!  Today we all went to Costco and he was very good, it's just when he's here and not busy that he seems to really get tense.  It's hard, it's painful, and we hope it gets better.  I don't want to end on a downer, but I am trying to think of something good to say. 

Have I mentioned his therapist Amy?  She is fantastic, she loves him so, and she is the one that is going to do his home therapy.  She came here on Friday and we are going to continue on Fridays now.  Sometimes we'll be here and maybe sometimes we'll meet at the Zoo, or the Museum, or the park.  I was telling her the other day that she might be sorry and she said, kind of scolding me, "I love him!  There is nothing that he could do that would make me not love him!".  Jeez, I was glad I was wearing my sunglasses, because that kind of proclamation made me cry and cry.  I mean, I think Anthony is lucky to have his two parents and family feel that way about him but to have this therapist feel that way about him, she who spends so much time with him and knows how to get in at him... well.  We are lucky indeed. 

Bowler

Anthony went bowling today! So many firsts this summer. I told Laura he went bowling and he did well and she said "what did he bowl?" Ha, I told her, they don't keep score, it's kids' bowling. But his therapist Amy said he put on his bowling shoes and bowled away, so that's good enough for me. She is the joy of my life right now, this Amy. She loves him so much and she is so, so nice and sweet to me. She is going to be doing his home therapy on Friday afternoons and I'm so happy about it. We are really happy with his therapist lineup right now, I can only hope it stays this way for a while.

Weekend

Our weekends can be kind of rough. Anthony fell asleep early last night, so Mike and I were worried but he slept all night. He had a dirty diaper in the night, though, and so he was red and a mess when we went in, so it started the day kind of badly. I put him to bed last night, though, and he was fun as hell. I went back in because he was yelling, and I brought him a glass of water. He was putting the glass up to his nose and looking through it and we had a heck of a good time, looking at each other through the glass. I love it when we can figure out a way for him to be happy and feel like we are connecting.

We are trying to get his speech therapy figured out. He has seen the same speech therapist for ONE YEAR and I had to beg for a progress report, and even then it took six weeks. The director of the place is the one who delayed the report for so long, and she always wants to talk on the phone instead of communicate via email. It's really hard for me to talk on the phone in any organized way because I'm always with some kid who's screaming in my ear, so I prefer to email. I find it unacceptable that in the year TWO THOUSAND and TEN someone can't conduct business via email. So I am hoping to quit her and start with a new speech therapist as soon as the full time one starts at Anthony's school. BUT I am still going to have to work with her because the occupational therapist that we want Anthony to work with is employed by her. It's a big pain and I'm trying to get it worked out as well as I can, doing the best for Anthony but also not being bossed around by nimrods who won't communicate with us. Honestly, I felt like saying to this woman - I thought ANTHONY was the one with the communication disorder, not you! Jerkstore.

Anyways, back to Anthony. He had an excellent week at school, he has more trips coming up this week, and we are hopeful that he'll continue to feel better and have less tantrums. It's boring, but true.

Temple Grandin at TED

Here's Temple Grandin talking about why the world needs people with autism.  She is really amazing, I just can't get over how lucky we are that she is a writer and speaker.  I really feel like she gives me some kind of window into Anthony - I know all people are different, but I'll talk what information I can get.  I hope what she is NOT saying here is that people with autism who SPEAK are needed, but I think she might be.  I hope and pray that Anthony can talk someday.  This morning he walked by Maria, who was lying on the floor under a beach towel, and said "blanket".  Maria said "Good job, Anthony!".  She is well-trained!  Anyways.  I am hopeful that Anthony can talk someday and if he can't, if he's not meant to, or whatever, then I hope that we can find a way to get him to communicate with us (and the world) in some other way.  I hope I hope I hope.

Big Week

Anthony went to the bouncehouse on Monday and today he was off to the splash park. He is still as tantrum-y as ever, BUT he is sleeping... well, I'm not going to say how he's sleeping, I just refuse to think about it. We did get him some new feety pajamas, they fit a lot better than his other ones. They are sweet looking, one has horses on them and one has cats. It beats the hell out of wrestling him into those too-small Gap ones every night. His hair looks nice, right?

Viva Spain!

Mike bought that outfit for Anthony years ago and it just keeps fitting. It makes me realize how big it used to be on him. Poor, poor Anthony woke up at 1:00 this morning and just went to sleep at 7:00. We are praying and praying that he sleeps all night. He is starting back to school tomorrow and we are all excited! He has some trips scheduled this summer, tomorrow he is going to a bounce place, they are going to the zoo, a splash park, etc.

We are also going to start him back in occupational therapy at his school soon. He got OT at his public school during the school year, so I think maybe he should start up again, maybe it would lessen his tantrums? Here's hoping, anyway.

I watched the Temple Grandin movie on HBO and it was so, so good. I cried and cried. Claire Danes was *amazing* as Temple Grandin, and the story was just so well told - it is hard to be in the mind of an autistic person, especially one like Temple Grandin, who sees 'in pictures', as she puts it, but whoever made the movie really, REALLY got it all across. It makes me so worried and hopeful for Anthony, at the same time.

There is a scene where Temple Grandin is graduating from college and she makes a speech about how she couldn't have gotten through without her mother and her family and friends. She then sings from the musical Carousel, the song "You'll Never Walk Alone". She is NOT a great singer, but it is a super poignant moment. I think Carousel is a horrible musical with a terrible message, BUT the song is beautiful and of course that scene made me cry and cry. The lyrics go:

When you walk through a storm,
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.
Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

So Waaaaah! I cried, all through the movie. But it's true! I think Anthony can do anything, and I think we can help him do anything. I have hope in my heart. MOST of the time. :)

Post Zoo

We had a good time at the Zoo this morning. Anthony is such a leaner and a rubber, though! He was leaning up against some woman, when we were looking at the seals, just rubbing her leg with the back of his hand. We all laughed and said he'd be a real ladies' man. Ha! We saw some kid in a shirt that said "I'm autistic, what's your excuse?" I don't really like the term "autistic" for Anthony, I prefer to say that he has Autism, but it was a really cute shirt and a good idea to wear it to the Zoo. We went to the water/splash park at the zoo and Anthony had a really good time, I think! He got completely soaked and seemed to enjoy running around in the various splashers. He didn't look at any animals, really,except the fish and penguins. He's a water guy. All in all, it was a short but successful trip.

Heartbreaker

He breaks my heart into a million pieces, it feels like.

Vacation

We are on day three of Anthony's vacation from school and it's HELL on EARTH.  Ha, just kidding, but it's not great.  We have these ideas of doing all this stuff with him and keeping him busy but he is not fooled, he is not in school, Maria will NOT leave him alone, and he's had it.  He was up at 12:19 a.m., woke up screaming and crying, just FURIOUS.  He calmed down after a while, I rubbed his hands like the little Asian ladies do during a manicure and he seemed to really like it.  I run out of ideas and then I think what would calm me down?  When he is having a tantrum lately, he works his hands a lot and I thought maybe they were tense.  So I rubbed from the palm of his hands, out toward his fingers, and he seemed to like it.  Or maybe it was a coincidence, who the hell knows.  I left him after about 20 minutes and about 30 minutes after that, he was screaming again.  Mike went in with him and then neither of us went in again, but he was up until about 5:00.  5:00!  He slept from 7:30 til 12:19 and then was up until 5:00.  I wish, in a way, that I could sleep like that, since ... well, since I have to sleep like that.  The girls were up at 6:00 and Mike was up with Maria at 3:30 and 5:00, so we are tired.  I woke Anthony up at 9:30 because his speech therapist was coming at 10:00 and he is in there with her now, and it sounds like it's going well. 

So.  We'll go with that, he's having a good time at speech therapy and once that's over, we'll try and do something else with him.  And we will all look forward to next Monday! 

Here's a picture from one year ago.  Sigh. 

Happy Fourth of July!

It would be a lot happier if someone wasn't melting down into tantrums all day. Ooh, he is in a mood! He woke up on the floor, of course, and was mad about it and he has been mad almost the whole day since. Grinding his teeth, crying, throwing himself around. It's very exhausting.

Better

Here's a better picture of him than the one that's up there!  Anthony has been a little puny the last few mornings and has had some (not to give TMI) some d-ha, but he seems great tonight.  He ate all his dinner and we have been playing chase and everything has been good.  I'm hopeful that he's getting better, whatever it's been.  He could just have a little bug or feel a little off, but it's not like he'd say.  He'll never even sign 'sick' or 'hurt' or anything.  Anyways, here he is, so happy and sweet.