Outside my window… it is sunny, but it's supposed to (sigh) rain later. It's also supposed to be in the EIGHTIES tomorrow and Wednesday, but of course colder and rainy this weekend for Veronica's birthday.
I am thinking… about Anthony, at 3:00 this morning. Mike and I went to sleep around 11:00 and he was still making noise so we couldn't go in and turn off his light. Mike had changed his dirty diaper when we went up, around 10:00, and he had been pretty good all night, so I wasn't worried he'd be upset, I just hate to leave his light on all night. Anyways, I went in at 3:00, when I woke up, and he greeted me at the door! I almost fell over from shock. I don't think he was awake for long, he looked so sleepy. I think maybe he fell out of bed and was wandering around and maybe that's what woke me? I covered him up and out he went. He slept until we woke him at 7:30 this morning and was really sweet all morning.
I am thankful for… flexibility. They are adding in some OT work for Anthony at school, twenty minutes at the beginning of every shift, so twice a day, and I am hopeful it helps him. He had a pretty bad day yesterday, woke up sad and sort of stayed in and out of it all day.
From the kitchen… I have no idea what we're having for dinner, it's a bad habit but I am sick of making dinner. I swear, if I never had to cook again it would be too soon. I think it's worse now because no one eats what I cook except for me and Mike. I know that I should make them eat what we are eating but they would seriously not eat if I did that. Veronica is pretty good and she'll try everything but that's it, she tries a bite or two. I have to get more organized about it - maybe this fall? Ha ha ha boo hoo that's a joke.
I am wearing… a black maternity top and yoga pants. I am in need of maternity clothes earlier and earlier with each pregnancy.
I am creating… a party for Veronica this week. I ordered cupcakes but I have to get paper plates and napkins, clean, get some dips, etc.
I am going… to go to sleep early tonight. I woke up around 3:00 and never really went back, in and out of sleep until I got up at 6:15 to go walking with my friend Vicki. I'm always glad to get exercise out of the way but I am SAD that the girls fell asleep on the way home because that means no nap for any of us this afternoon. I am BEAT.
I am reading… Something Borrowed, recommended by some of my friends on Twitter. I'm enjoying it, it's ... well it's a lot simpler than Something Something Goon Squad (I can't remember the title, so tired) which, as my sister said, you needed a CAST LIST to read.
I am hoping… that we have a breakthrough with Anthony here soon. I really want him to stop having these tantrums. I am seriously PRAYING on it here lately. I'm sick of them and I also don't think they represent who he is.
I am hearing… Maria ask me to play puzzle with her. Since she can't read and doesn't know the blog address here, I'll just say that NO I DO NOT WANT TO PLAY PUZZLE. NOOOOOOO. I'll probably do it anyways.
Around the house… there is a giant mess. I clean and clean and do laundry and clean some more and it's just - messy. I'm trying. I have to get rid of a bunch of clothes that don't fit (me, the kids) and get some summer stuff pulled out (the kids) but the thought of it is very daunting.
One of my favorite things… It hardly ever happens, but one of my favorite things is when Anthony has a good day but I don't realize it til the end of the day. It's such a sweet surprise.
A few plans for the rest of the week… I am going for a checkup with my OB tomorrow, Maria has her last day of preschool on Wednesday, Anthony has swimming on Thursday, and Veronica will be two on Saturday. So it's a big week, kind of.
Here is a picture for thought I am sharing…
Lately I've been reading stuff on the internet about 'if there was a magic pill that your child could take and it meant they didn't have autism, would you give it to them?' I find it so offensive, on so many levels. I mean, there isn't such a pill. But I suppose if there were AND if I could be guaranteed that Anthony would be the same person, MY person, I guess I would. I want him to not have any pain any more, I wish he were able to talk better, I wish his future were clearer and better, I blah blah blah want want want wish wish wish. But this is who he is, I mean, I believe in God, and I believe that Anthony is who he is and I should be happy with it, right? Temple Grandin said, when we saw her speak last week, that autism is buried so deep in the dna and genetics that it will never just be poof! cured. So is it a big part of who he is? I don't know. It think it's a dumb question and I hate it. I want to love Anthony just how he is and also want the best for him and also want people to not be jerks and not insure some people and not bully people and to accept that some people are different and that neuro-diversity is good for us all. There's no pill that can do all that.