Where Did My Baby Go?

Ha!  Just kidding.  Stimey posted that I specifically DIDN'T say that when I posted about Anthony losing his tooth and it's true, I do not feel that way.  I feel much more that it's disgusting than I am wondering where my baby went.  My baby is still there, he's still in there.  Sometimes, I am so lucky, because I get to rock him like a baby.  I get to pick him up and carry him.  I get to comfort him when he is crying and he doesn't know why.  I am very lucky.  Which I try and remember on days like today, when Anthony wakes up at 4:30 and hoots and hollers so much that he is difficult to be with.  He was hooting away in the van today after I picked him up at school and Maria said "Anthony.  Veevsy and me are trying to watch a MOVIE and we CAN'T HEAR!".  Ha.  He cares not, I told her, but I did tell him to shoosh.

He did lose his tooth!  I would take a picture but he is all wound up and I tried to take like TWENTY before and he wouldn't stop moving his head so everything was blurry.  I'll get it some time.  His therapist brought out his tooth in a bag!  Pam (his morning therapist) wrote a note that she just reached in and pulled it out, yikes!  She said he was very brave and indeed, it does not seem to be bothering him.  He also pooped on the potty at school again today.  He has yet to thrill us with this trick, but I know it's coming.  I'm so happy and proud of him with the toilet training I can't stand it.  I can't stop talking about it.  It might be the biggest thing we've ever done for him.  Not that we're done but still.  The starting was it for us, it's such a thrill.

I do get scared that he is getting so big, but I guess I am more scared that he is going to get bigger than me and kick my ass some day.  I hope that we can get it together, tantrum wise, before he gets big and could hurt himself or others.  It does make me sad when I see that other kids from his playgroup are starting Kindergarten this year, some are in First Grade.  But - we're just not - we're not the same as other kids, and that's fine, really.  I worry about the future, but not actively.  I have to take this all one day at a time or I'll go crazy and who needs that.  Plus, I have to say, I think people are FULL OF IT when they go on and on about how much they'll MISS THEIR KIDS and SUNRISE, SUNSET, blah blah blah.  They are supposed to get bigger, they are supposed to grow up, they are human beings.  Period, the end, as I tell Maria 100 times a day.

Ugh, I read about this study today.  I have mixed reactions about it.  I don't know why Anthony has autism and no one else does, no one in my family or Mike's.  My second cousin's son is on the spectrum, but that seems kind of far removed, right?  Maria is obviously not on the spectrum and although I think Veevsy Voo has some sensory issues, she clearly doesn't have autism, so ... I don't know!  I don't know if this baby will have autism, but I don't know anything else about him or her either, so I guess I am just willing to find out.  I read this article today, about the study and it unnerved me.  First of all, I am nervous about anecdotal evidence with regard to autism.  The author (who is a blogger that I really enjoy) says that she knows lots of families with more than one child with autism, but I know mostly families with only one child with autism.  I have three kids and only one has autism.  So ... that proves nothing.  I am much more comfortable with scientific studies, but I am UNcomfortable with science to the degree that it affects me, or affects how many children I have.  If I listened to Science, I suppose, I would have only Anthony, since I was over 35 when I had him and I'm not supposed to have any more kids, right?  Because I'm elderly?  And more bad things could happen?  The American College of OB/GYNs says that it's much more dangerous for a woman my age to have kids, but nothing has happened so far.  I don't really care what they say anyway, because they are the same geniuses that put Autism and Mental Retardation on the same level on their stupid form that you have to fill out just to get treated by an OB/GYN.  They are testing for every freaking thing that your kid could possibly have before 14 weeks now, so that you can have the INFORMATION that you NEED to decide whether or not you keep the child.  How stupid, how UNscientific, in my opinion, that is.  How can you have all that information when you haven't even held that baby?  When that baby hasn't even been born yet?  So anyways, before I really get going, I don't necessarily believe or not believe that study.  I feel old and tired, so I hope that this baby doesn't have autism because it takes a lot of energy to just work with the one child with autism that we have, but it will not be the end of the world if this new baby ends up having autism.  No matter what the deal is with the new baby, we will feel like it's the BEGINNING of everything, because it will be.

Ugh.  Blather.  Anyways, 1 lost tooth, 2 times pooping on the potty, AND he is going to a Climb Time place this week.  Does it get any better?