Stimey asked this question, in the comments from yesterday's post:
Don't you just wish sometimes that someone would just tell you what to do?
My answer is YES. It blows my mind how alone we all are in this. I remember, when I was pregnant with Anthony, people telling me how shocking it is to go home from the hospital with a newborn. How they just LET you walk out of there with this BABY and you are supposed to take care of it. When we brought Anthony home, I do remember thinking that it was just the three of us, but I don't remember being so shocked and scared that we were in charge. I am an OLDE mother, so maybe that's why I wasn't so worried.
BUT. I do get worried now. I wonder how can it be that Anthony is so profoundly affected by this and there are almost no resources available to us? We can send him to his school, but when he has troubles there, they ask us what's going on. We can take him to his regular pediatrician and his developmental pediatrician and they can tell us that there's nothing physically wrong with him, and that he can take drugs to calm him down. We already know all this. We know this just from being people who have been alive for a certain amount of time.
What we don't know is how to make Anthony feel better. I feel like if he had a sickness, a physical sickness, they wouldn't just leave us alone with it. Mike and I both have advanced degrees, we are intelligent people, we have worked for many years and still - we have no idea what to do when Anthony is whacking himself in the head. When he is kicking me in the throat (still mad, I guess). When he is saying "okay! It's okay!" and crying like his heart will break. When he wakes up so mad and sad and we have to get him and his sisters ready to go out.
Who do we have to look to for answers? Jenny McCarthy? Really? Questionable doctors from England, who have been disproven time and time again?
So. Yes, I would like very much to be told what to do. I would definitely prefer being told what to do to this flailing around, feeling like every choice we make is wrong. But there is no one there, there is no one to help US and we are the only ones who can help Anthony, so what can you do? If anyone knows, feel free to leave it in the comments. :)
Edited to add: It freaks me out when I read stories like this. What must life be like, when your only option is to kill your child? Good Lord.