Anthony's Birthday Card

Here's Anthony's card, that he got in school. He is a lucky boy to be so well liked and loved by all the therapists and people there. It's hard to believe that he turned five, right? I can barely remember bringing him home from the hospital, it seems like such a long time ago, but it doesn't seem like he could be five, either.

It's hard for me to say how Anthony is at five years old. He is always the same, to me. When he's happy, he's so happy and you can't help but love him so much and then when he's sad or mad, he's *really* sad or mad, and you can't help but love him so much then, too. I'd say at five years old, Anthony likes: school, Mommy and Daddy, playing outside, finding new things to hold up near his face, the bath, eating hot dogs, french fries, fruit, and cheese. He drinks only water, and very occassionally juice (Crystal Light), and usually out of the pitcher. He likes grapes and blueberries a lot! He is good about getting his teeth brushed, I always tell him let's try and brush his teeth well so that we NEVER have to have teeth filled like we did a few months ago. I guess I could say at five years old Anthony DISLIKES the dentist. He doesn't like going to sleep. He doesn't like being told what to do. He says a lot of words, but he doesn't say them at home nearly as much as he does in school. Sometimes he gets very sad, seemingly out of nowhere, but we're working on it. Maria and Veronica both love him a lot and want to be with him all the time, and of course he doesn't love that. He is incredibly patient with Maria, who takes every opportunity there is to jump on him or pull on him, or move him around.

What can I say about him? I love him so much? I'd do anything for him? He's my favorite boy, he's my favorite PERSON, and I really, truly admire him. I used to think when people said that they respected their kids or whatever, that they were full of it. But I really do respect Anthony, he makes me want to be good and kind and sweet to him, and in turn to his sisters, and in TURN, to other people. I am largely a misanthrope, so that's a big change for me! Also, just because I WANT to be nice to everyone doesn't mean I am, yet. But I am working on it. We are all working hard to make Anthony's world better for him. I don't even care what that better world looks like - I don't care if he talks or doesn't, or goes to regular school or doesn't, I don't care! I just want him to be happy and feel good about his life. So far, so good.

Forgive the long shot

... but I'm trying to preserve some of Maria's dignity! I want to show how she was dragging him around. He was up on the table and she went and got him. She pulls him around like a RAG DOLL or something. I tried to take a bunch of pictures of Anthony but he wasn't having it. He has been doing much better here lately, except when he's not. Ha! He is doing well in school and we are working on his schedule so that we can get more accomplished. We are trying to alleviate certain foods from his diet to see if it helps him. We think he seems bugged by the acid in strawberries and tomatoes. When I was a kid, I used to get canker sores from them, and maybe he is the same? It seems to upset his stomach. Unfortunately, he really likes pizza, so we are trying to figure out options. He likes white pizza fine, or garlic bread with cheese, so although he's stinky, he's happy with that. I wish he ate more, different foods, but I suppose I should just be happy he has an apple a day. He certainly seems healthy, I suppose. This is sort of rambly, it's what happens when days go by without me posting anything. He's doing fine, we're doing fine, Maria is dragging him around, the usual.

Hard Times

These are hard times, here lately with Anthony. Did I say one of his new therapists was very rude to me one day last week? I told her she didn't need to speak to me like that and now she doesn't work there anymore. Wouldn't it be nice if life were just like that always? If you could just not like someone and they would go away? Not like a situation and it would improve? I wish with all my heart that Anthony could get a little happier. I am so worried that this isn't just a phase, that he is just going to get sadder and more tense. Mike says it's just a phase and that's what I try to believe but man. It's difficult, sometimes. He always loves the bath, though. He was sick yesterday, he seemed SO puny and tired in the morning and then sure enough, he threw up at school right after Mike left. He came home and threw up again and then laid around for a while. He got steadily better all day and now is fine. So that's good. There is a lot of good with Anthony - it's just that when there's bad, it's so loud and horrible, it sort of overshadows that good. BUT he always does like that bath, if he does have meltdowns here lately, they are shorter and less intense. He is still our sweet boy in every single way.

Break

So I am on an enforced camera-break around here, since my was stolen. I am getting a new one, but I want to be sure that the check from the insurance company is one its way before I order the replacement.

Anthony is doing okay, he is definitely better than he was a few weeks ago, but worse than he was doing a few months ago, tantrum wise. He seems to be really on-edge all the time, and then I am, too. He can be very unhappy right before he falls asleep, so Mike and I spend most of our evenings sitting downstairs watching tv and listening to Anthony fret, and fretting ourselves. It stinks.

We are trying some new things in school - he is going to start having some therapy here, at home, in the afternoons. I had become sort of complacent with regard to Anthony, thinking that he was just being taken care of at school, but I think that when you have a child with Autism (or maybe any special need, I don't know), you have to constantly be after people to take care of your child. You have to call and email and watch and sort of be Anthony's eyes and ears, because he can't. It's good to know - I don't think we've lost too much ground, and now I know that everyone has to be watched like a hawk. I don't mind, it doesn't bother me to tell people what I think they should do. I'm bossy like that. :)

From Christmas

I'm going through pictures, working on Veronica's picture-a-week thing, and I just found this one. It's so, so representative of Maria and Anthony's relationship. Just this morning she was dragging him around, pulling him by the shirt, to show him that she had opened the fridge. Mike said yesterday when he was looking for Anthony, he was yelling "Anthony!" and Maria would yell, "Anthony! Where are you?"

Phew

Anthony ran out the back gate today and was lost for about ten minutes. It felt like a lot longer than that. We always feel fine about leaving him in the backyard, as both gates are locked, but someone broke the assembly on the gate last night so they could break in our garage. It's impossible to say how scary and horrible it was, we are just so relieved and happy that he was fine. I am thinking of moving - I can't take these break-ins anymore, we are doing everything we can to stop them and they just keep happening. I don't know if we can stay here anymore, we can't risk Anthony getting out again. Thank God it was Sunday, because it's not too trafficky. Through the week there are a million cars going by. I can't even think of what we would have done if something happened to him.

Veronica's Birthday

Anthony, jumping super HIGH at Veronica's party. He got a little freaked out, probably at the many people at our house, so we put on his vest. He had a good day, overall. He is the best sleeper of the three at this stage, God help us.

Better

This week Anthony got a lot of good feedback in his book from school. He was happy and giggly and more like himself. He has been sleeping more normally and we are all so, so happy about it. Next week I have his case conference for school, I don't know what the plan will be for next year. He's not going to start Kindergarten, but I do want him to get his therapies, so maybe I'll do what they call drop-in therapy and he'll just go for the morning and then we'll take him to his school for the rest of the day. We'll see. I am just trying to take it one meeting at a time.

Nature Boy

I hope this picture is okay. You can't see anything, right? So if you're looking for a thrill, PERVS, look elsewhere! I just think it's funny that he TWICE took off his clothes to run around the backyard. Determined to whoop it up naked, he is! I went to get him at school today and his new therapist said what a GREAT day he had and how HAPPY he was and how CUDDLY and SWEET and I almost cried. He is usually like that, I said! Last week was just a bad week! I feel defensive because - well, it got kind of weird last week, I felt like he was SICK and everyone thought we weren't DOING ANYTHING about it. Of course, Mike and I would do anything for him, I sort of think that goes without saying, so it's rough when we feel questioned on it. ANYWAY. Our new thing is that Anthony has been crawling up on his dresser in the night and ... falling asleep? The night before last, he fell asleep up there and then threw up all over himself. Sheesh. He's all better now, it must have just been a bug, it hit me too, but still. That dresser thing is tricky. Tonight Mike turned his dresser around and we're hoping that works and if not, and maybe anyway, we are going to get him a captain's bed with drawers. I saw a cute one at overstock.com (which I love, because HELLO $2.95 shipping) and maybe we'll get that. He is an expensive child! But worth it!

Favorite Son

Here's my little baby boy who made me a mother. Ha, I'll say he did! I bet Mike would say it too!

Twelve Hours

Anthony always starts to fall apart about 12 hours after he wakes up. I was downstairs with the baby around 4:00 and heard him and here he is, 12 hours later. He has been doing better, thank GOD. It was a really long, horrible week. One thing I realized is that it was a full moon during the time that he was freaking out, and I think maybe that was it. Some friends of mine on Facebook were saying that crime rates go up during the full moon, so why not? It makes as much sense as anything, I suppose. He had a minor tantrum this morning and I will tell you what - it will melt the coldest heart, to see that poor baby so sad and upset. Even when I am mad and over it and so tired, it just kills me and I feel so bad for him. SO. Hopefully it will all start to get better. I am counting on it!

ROUGH

Ooh-wee we are having a rough few days with Anthony. He gets better for a little while, and then out of nowhere, has these terrible tantrums that feel like they are never going to end. It's crazy, you start to fear for the future, because you think if he was bigger and having a tantrum like this, he would kick my ass. I can only hope that he gets over it, and that if he wants to communicate something and can't, we can get him the tools he needs. I just don't know what they are right now. I am hoping it's better tomorrow, but I am doubtful.

Better, Now

BOY did he have a rough day at school today. They said he was crying, on and off, for two hours. This never happens, I don't know what was going on. He slept a little bit on the way home and then we played outside and he seemed better. He has had kind of a rough week, sleep wise - he went to bed super late last night and was up early, so maybe that's it? Who knows. God knows he's not saying.

I Can't Stop!

They're all so cute! I took a million pictures. Lord, God, I am typing this right after he went up to bed and he just made the loudest BOOM! There is nothing in his room and I think WHAT could be making that noise? I think he might have ... well, I have no idea, so I guess I'll go up and look. It's probably just as well, otherwise I'd post a hundred more pictures that look almost exactly like this one.

Sweet

They were so sweet together. He really puts up with a lot from her, she is always hugging and hugging him. We have to tell her to Hug and Be Done!, otherwise she'd never lay off of him.

L

Ooh, she was hugging him and hugging him. She loves him so much, just like the rest of us, I guess! One of Anthony's favorite therapists left his school today. She is moving on to bigger and better things but I know he'll miss her. I will too! I met his new Tuesday/Thursday therapist today and she seems nice, but it's hard to switch it up. Ha, I think it's hard for me, but probably good for Anthony, ultimately, to work with lots of different people.

Album Cover

This would so be their album cover if they were a band.

Gorgeous

I read a lot of blogs, written by moms of kids who are about Anthony's age. It makes me so, so, sad and jealous sometimes when their kids are playing soccer, or learning to write, or having long conversations with their moms. I try hard not to be jealous and I try hard to see the good in what we have but sometimes I am shallow, I guess. Sometimes I would like to see Anthony in a little soccer uniform.

On the slide

More park pictures. His hair is crazy, right?

At the park with Mike

I haven't taken pictures of Anthony in forever. I haven't been outside when he is, and frankly, he has been having a hard time of it lately. Tantrum after tantrum after tantrum, it feels like. He had a hard time this morning and Mike took him to the park by our house and they had a great time. I hope he hangs on to these good feelings for a while, because those tantrums take it out of all of us.

Throwback

Here's Anthony, one year ago today. You can barely see him for all the crap in the picture, I don't know why it's not cropped better. Anyway. He is up on the counter here, getting what he used to think of as cookies. Now he knows and only wants real Oreos. He doesn't eat the whole thing, he just breaks them apart and eats the cream inside. He looks like a toddler in this picture and he isn't anymore, he is definitely a little kid - he has no trace left of being a baby. I used to always long for him to get older, to get more talkative, to sleep better. Now, of course, I wish he were younger, I wish we were starting all of his therapy and everything earlier. I looked at a video from June of 2007 yesterday, I was trying to tell someone when I put my kids in hard soled shoes, and I knew I had put him in them when he broke his foot. ANYWAY, this caused me to be poking around his blog, and in an entry for June 2007, I put up a video of him twirling around. Twirling and spinning and spinning. I don't know what I was thinking, not being more worried about it. Anyway. Here he is, one year ago today, up on the counter, getting what he wants. Same as it ever was!

At the Ready

Anthony, poised for battle, hangers in hand. This is his latest thing to whip around, hangers from his closet. He gets the hangers by pulling on the sleeves of the shirts in his closet and SNAPPING the hanger. Sigh. Doesn't he have the sweetest head, though? Look at that hair.

All Business

He looks so serious here, doesn't he? Walking around the yard with his raisins? Ha!

Outside, Thursday

My parents got home yesterday and the kids were so happy to see them. We have been spending so much time outside lately, I know I keep saying, but they love to be outside. I want to remember to appreciate it, the good weather, while it's here, because I'm sure I'll be miserable again this winter! Ha, so I am getting ready for it! We have the Final Four here this weekend and a few years ago when it was here, we went downtown but I'm not sure if we'll venture out this weekend. It's hard for us to go for a walk different than our normal one, but maybe he'd like it. I think he'd like all the people. We'll see, I should probably stop being scared of going everywhere.

Weather

Anthony really loves to be outside and he loves to be on the trampoline, but to be outside and on the trampoline with a spoon to flip around? Heaven.