Labor Day

Anthony is really putting the labor in Labor Day, if you know what I mean.  This child hates a holiday.  He has been hitting me a lot today, it is hard to take but I feel like I've said all I can say about it.  He's only getting bigger, I used to think we had to work so hard while we could so that he could ... not be so big and still be so badly behaved? I don't know, I feel like it's easier to take from a smaller person, bad behavior.  I get so, so down about it.  It makes me argue with everyone, makes me a bad mother, person, friend, certainly wife.  I'm still a good waitress but that's it.

April

Anthony is going to be 12 in two months! Crazy!

He is doing okay, he is hitting me less, which I think is a combination of him improving and also me not being around much.  I've been working a lot and busy with the girls stuff so we haven't seen each other too much.  He has been getting out a little bit more with his respite girlfriend, the weather has been better, they've been swimming and going to parks.  I wish he had more time with her, or with someone, but it's an imperfect system.  Even though his place pays pretty well, we can't find anyone to do this job.  He should get 12.5 hours a week of respite and we are lucky to use six.  We are trying, but it is trying, too.

Last night I took Maria and Felicity to Maria's first baseball game.  I was talking to this other mom, who also has four kids, Boys 13 and 11 and girls, 7 and 5.  This mom was saying how she is such great friends with other parents from school, how much stuff they do with other baseball families, which just makes sense, it seems, because their boys have played baseball together, been together a LOT for six months out of the year for the last seven years.  I was thinking how nice that would be, to be social and friendly with people because you have things in common, things that your kids do together so you do them together.  We just don't have that and it's too bad, because I really have always enjoyed being friends and social with people.  I don't think Mike cares as much but it feels really unnatural to me to not be friends with people.  It's a strange situation.

Anyway.  Anthony is going to be doing this bike thing this summer and you have to buy a bike, so I am going to ask people who would give him a birthday present to contribute to his bike fund.  I am looking into how much it costs, I have so much to do, it seems, recently.  I'll be glad when the girls are done with school and we can relax a little, ha ha just kidding!

I Can Shine

Yesterday, Anthony's longest with him therapist (I'm trying not to say oldest), Pam, was saying how far we've coming.  Remember when he was lying on the ground for HOURS a day yelling and screaming? Look how far we've come! It made me feel really good, because we have come far.  Even though it stinks that he is pushing me and hitting me, it won't last forever.  I HOPE.

I just signed Anthony up for this biking program this summer, I am SO hopeful that he can learn how to ride a bike! Say a prayer it works, I really think he'd like to ride a bike!

February

There must be something nice to say, right? It can't be all bad.  We got Anthony some boots for Christmas and they fit but he kind of hates them.  We have to move him into some shoes that aren't Crocs, because he was barely putting his foot in them, it's winter, etc., you know, things were just bad with the shoes.  So.  I got him these boots and they were okay but not great because he'd wear them and 'tolerate' them at Little Star but he'd always pull his foot out of one and sort of walk on the sides of his feet and I was worried he'd trip.  Elizabeth, his respite girlfriend, took him to try on sneakers on Saturday and although we didn't end up going with the pair that she bought we were able to find a EXTRA WIDE (4E!) size nine pair of sneakers from Penneys and he is wearing them today.  So maybe that will be good.  I want him to be comfortable but he also has to wear shoes of some kind!  So I hope it works out.

He's in a good situation with speech and occupational therapy.  They each see him separately and then co treat for a while every week and it seems to be going well.  I like both of his therapists and they send me an email every week to say what they are working on.  His speech therapist is the same as Veronica's, and he has speech on Tuesday and her Wednesday but she REALLY didn't like me talking about Anthony on her time so now I get an email and everyone is happy.  Happier.  Ha!

My Uncle Leo send the kids gift cards for Christmas, and my Uncle Kevin sent money for them so we got some new clothes for Anthony, some long sleeved shirts and they are really cute.

He can be very affectionate, he does this thing where he holds and caresses your face.  He does it to me, Mike and sometimes to his therapists and it's very endearing.

Elizabeth, his respite girlfriend, is very nice and things have been going well.  Because I am making a positive spin on things, I won't mention that he threw his iPad out the window this weekend when he was out with her and we lost it forever.  Live and learn, I guess, we should have told her to keep the windows shut, especially if he is in the back, ha!  I have a nice and sweet old friend who emailed me and asked me if she could send us a gift to contribute to the new iPad.  We are okay and I told her that, but that really puts a positive spin on it, right? Isn't it nice how someone is always there to be nice and wonderful?

Here's some pictures.

Aggression in Autistic Tween

I am hoping this blog post will get me some help.  Anthony is 11 and he has lately started to really really push and punch me.  He punches and pulls my arm when I'm driving, most alarmingly and then today he slapped me full on in the face.  I have never done that to him, he has never seen that kind of behavior.  He doesn't seem upset, he seems intent on doing it.  I used to think it was a communication issue but now he doesn't seem to want anything, except to hit me! We are asking for help from his team at LSC and we are trying to work with his Occupational and Speech Therapists but so far, it is only getting worse.  It is only happening to me, which is terrible luck because I usually go get him from LSC.  Anything I search up, as Maria would say, seems to indicate my only option is to drug him but that doesn't seem like an answer.  If anyone has any real, solid experience or ideas, I'd appreciate it.  Also if anyone has any ideas about .. .what do you call it?  Sleepaway places? Nursing homes for children?  Just to type it makes me want to jump out the window.  Residential homes for children with autism, I guess.  To close, help! I need help!

Update

Halloween! He was Harry Potter, obvs.

Rolling around in the chair that I got Mike for his birthday

Good Lord! How could it be so long since I've updated Anthony's blog? I feel like I am the worst mother to him, and now I'm forgetting his blog too?  I used to be good at at least that!  Well.  I don't take so many pictures of him anymore, so often I need both hands when I'm with him.  He is - he can be wild, to understate it.  I hear myself telling people things - well, like the other night I was telling his speech therapist how I would like to work with him on maybe a schedule because he seems so crazed, sometimes, when we are on our way home.  I pick him up almost every day, and sometimes he gets really wound up, and he punches me/pushes on my arm so hard that I have to remind myself to not put my right hand on the steering wheel because I have nearly driven into traffic several times.
So.  That's a pain, right? I don't want to take pictures of it! So we are working on, as EVER, communication.  I feel like when he pushes me like that he really wants something.  I don't know what.  On his iPad the other day, he was saying "rainstick" and "trampoline" which are both things he has at Little Star.  So I thought maybe he is afraid every time when we leave Little Star, maybe we won't go back? So I am trying to be clearer about saying we are leaving now, we will go home, then have dinner, (go to swimming, whatever) and then TOMORROW you can go back to Little Star.  On Friday of course I can't say that but he has been going to music therapy for a while on Saturdays so I can say that, I guess.  Everything is terrible since we don't have anyone to do respite anymore.  There was a moment two weeks ago when I thought maybe we could have it but it was a false alarm because the person they thought they could get didn't drive, couldn't drive because of some sort of problem with their record.  MMMM kay.  So they were like, we have someone! But they can't do transportation! And I was like, um, okay but can they meet us at our house and go to the stuff that Anthony wants to do?  NOPE.  They were just supposed to come over and I guess, stay at the house with Anthony, which would be great ON OPPOSITE DAY.   So anyway, that was disappointing.  Then last night, Mike and Anthony were getting ready to go to swim like every damned Thursday of their lives when our case manager just STOPPED BY to say that she needed to schedule a meeting.  They were late for swimming because of this pop in! And she couldn't really say when she could meet but she just ... came by, I guess to make them late for swimming or maybe that was just a lucky happenstance.  UGH.  This medicaid thing is awful and it makes me SO PARANOID - I think, they get all these people off the wait list and then they say you have THIS MUCH MONEY! Yay! But that translates to a certain amount of hours because the places that you go through only pay their people like $10 an hour, $11 if you're lucky, although $11 was what the last nimrod we had made and she was awful and I still get really mad when I think about her.  Anyway, they don't pay well and they can't hire anyone and then we can't get any care for Anthony, it's been through MOST of the year, and that money - guess what happens to that money?  It all just goes away from us and right back to the stupid state, even though it is DUE to ANTHONY.  So I guess if I were Indiana, maybe I'd dole out a lot of money but to a lot of people so that it doesn't do any good to anyone and then I'd get to keep the money?

We have been struggling a lot because we used to have respite care and now we don't and Anthony suffered this giant setback when he had to stop going to Little Star and we are just trying trying trying to get back to where we were, which wasn't great but it was better than it is now.

We do have happy moments, he is doing very well at Little Star and he is doing well by going to speech therapy/occupational therapy on Tuesdays but I am impatient.  I want him to do well everywhere.  I want him to not scream so much.  I want him to be toilet trained at night.  I want him to be more lovable to the girls.  As Anthony says with his iPad all the time, I want.  I want.

Friday Update

Last Lent, I wrote about and said nice things about one of my kids each day during Lent but this year I have given up sweets and am saying a rosary every day.  But I thought why not update on Fridays?  Maybe I can do it.

Anthony is doing fine, the last few weeks I've been taking him to swim because we don't have respite staff right now, ugh that is driving me crazy but I am breezily going by it.  Last night I went and exercised at the Y for a little bit while he was swimming but I got back in plenty of time to see him.  He looks like he is doing everything but swimming and I was saying that to one of his teachers and she said look how hard he is working! It takes a lot to hold up his hips like that!  He is great! So that was nice and a good reminder, too, that even if it doesn't look like he is working hard, he always is.

The weekends are super hard but everything else is going fine.  He has been going to Costco with Mike and has been helping!  Like Mike will tell him to get something and he will!  This feels like a miracle.

Here's his school picture and a rare picture of the four of them.  He is getting really big and tall.  He weighs a ton, he is falling away to a ton, as my sweet grandfather might have said but we are just trying to make most of his snacks healthy ones.  What else can I do?  His hair is getting really excellent but Mike doesn't love it.  He never lets us comb it so it gets kind of janky but mostly I think it's so cute, just like him.

February

Last night, Anthony had a seizure.  It was the same in some ways in that it was at the end of a long and rough day.  It didn't last long.  He slept a lot after.  But it was different in some other ways.  I think he was coming down the stairs when it happened, because before we knew it, he was at the bottom of the stairs, lying down.  He never lies down, but he had several times that day, which always makes me think, crap!, I should have known! Also he didn't throw up and he always throws up so I went looking for it and didn't find it, which is a weird thing to do.  He seemed to have a mark on his head and we thought, did he fall down the stairs? I was right in the kitchen, I never heard a loud noise.  It is a little too mysterious for me.

He has been doing this thing lately where he sort of bashes in to me and I hate it, I'm afraid he's going to knock me over.  But then he has a seizure and I think, does he know? Is he begging for help? I'm going to talk to his therapists about putting in some icons on his iPad for "I don't feel good" or "I have to lie down".  I don't know, it's not perfect but I want to do something.

Anyway, we are as usual plugging along.  I guess - I don't know, I feel like some days are so rough all we can do is maintain.  I feel bad when I feel grateful he has a seizure because I know that means he'll sleep well.  It's messed up but what can you do?  He has been doing very well at swimming and well at OT, he's doing well at Little Star, and we are working on it at home.  And now it's February which is closer to March and Spring!

2016

Anthony is going to turn eleven this year.  That is crazy, to me, and also not so.  I mean, I can barely remember when he wasn't around, when I wasn't thinking about him all the time, so it seems like he's a lot older than that, sometimes.

He is back at Little Star today, thanks be to God.  That is a long break for him and he has been having a severe regression, toilet training wise, so it was really getting kind of nightmarish at the end.  It's not his fault, but LORD is it frustrating!  Anyway.  He has been going to this Incrediplex place near us with Christina on Saturdays, and he did some of that over the break, and some Bounce House places, and it's been going okay.  He got a Casio Keyboard for Christmas and he likes that too.  We are in the middle of yet another insurance denial nightmare.  Mike said, and it's true, that is the black cloud hanging over our heads at all times.  One of the reports that they sent us said that his IQ was 21 and that he had gone as far as he could go in life!  I told Mike I know it's not true, but there is no way to not have a reaction to reading something like that about your own sweet boy.  There is a hot place in hell for those demons that work for insurance companies.

Anyway, here are some pictures!

December

I am just sitting around because I have off today and I don't feel that good so I figued I'd update some blogs.  Anthony is doing okay, except he hurt his toe and I had to take him to the ER.  It was two weeks ago today, I stayed at the girls' school for a few minutes after I dropped them off so I didn't see Mike and Anthony before they left.  Mike called and said that Anthony's big toe was really bothering him and it looked horrible, then when I went to pick him up, his toenail looked sort of lifted (ugh) off his toe and his therapist John said he had mostly stayed in the cube all day.  So I was driving home, I had a  babysitter for Felicity so I asked if she could stay later and she said she could so I took him the ER.  I was worried that something was broken or infected.  He did pretty well at the ER, although all they did was take a few xrays and determine nothing was broken.  They couldn't get a bandage on it, but they did get some Bacetracin on it and assured me nothing was going to get infected, so that was good.  But he missed OT because we were there for 90 minutes for basically one minute of seeing a doctor, five minutes with a nurse, and maybe seven minutes with the xray.  Whatever.  Once the toenail feel off, it was better (ugh) but now he has messed up the other one!  I guess he is kicking his door?  So I am going to figure out a way to put some kind of cushion on the back of his door.  It is always something, I wish I were more creative or handy.  Here's some pictures:

Pictures and Catchup

Anthony is doing well, all things considered.  He is swimming on Thursday, going to OT on Wednesday.  He likes his OT a lot, she is really into music and really gets him.  She, like everyone else in our lives, really likes him.  That is a real gift, how likable he is.  And when he likes you, he'll do anything for you! Sometimes that would make me think that he doesn't like us, but it doesn't work like that, with any of our kids.  Here's some pictures!

Here's a rare picture of all four, plus the dog, plus my new vacuum!

Anthony went as Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory for Halloween.  Mike thought of it, it was brilliant!

Some of Anthony's favorite things these days are his iPad, Spotify and his playlist, and the dog.

I don't have a ton of pictures of him, he is always on the move and I am always trying to be ready for anything, ha!

Pain

It's so surprising to me how painful it's been to be in a school full of kids, some of who are Anthony's age.  Some of them are named Anthony!  I was talking to one of my classes about the year they were born and some of them said 2005, some 2006, and I thought really?  They seem so ... not grown up, but advanced, ahead of Anthony.  Because Anthony is our only boy, I guess there are just things we are not going to experience.  The boys in fourth grade seem so different than the girls.  In some ways, they are the same but Anthony has never really had that boyishness that I see in other boys his age, not for a long time anyway.

I have been volunteering for recess at the girls' school and the other day I was watching the fourth grade boys play football.  You have to watch them closely or they might fight, it's so physical.  So I was over there a lot and there was one kid named Anthony and apparently he always had the damned ball because everyone kept yelling Anthony!  Anthony, right here!  Anthony!  Way to go, Anthony!  My eyes filled with tears and I thought, great they are going to kick me out for being the crying mom volunteer, but it was very moving to me.

Things have been hard lately, largely because a) the damned new insurance company is denying us and we had to pay a doctor (like a PhD doctor) $250 smackeroos to write a report about Anthony, to prove that it's medically necessary that he get ABA treatment.  For you English students out there, I think this might be a good example of irony - Anthony has a PRESCRIPTION for 40 hours of ABA therapy a week from a MEDICAL DOCTOR but we have to get a REPORT from a PhD to say that he needs it.  Whatever.

Also, he is being kind of pushy lately and he is spitting water out of his mouth, which - there is no way to shine that up, is there?  It sucks and he does it to everyone, us, Maria (Ankony!, she yells!), he did it to Laura last week when she was babysitting (probably for the last time, ha ha boo hoo).  It's awful and so VIVID, you know.

I mean, it's just been hard lately.  We are so worried all the time, about money and about the future and getting water SPAT in your ding dang EYE, it's just exhausting.  Even though most of the time I feel okay, I know we are going to be okay, I loved the Pope's visit and to see him with all those disabled children made me be reminded of the fact that Anthony is whole in God's eyes but even still, knowing all that, it kills me that he will never run on that parking lot, never play kickball with those other kids.

Anyway.  I don't know how to wrap it up, ever, when I go on and on.  Here's to hoping either things get better or I toughen up!

Music and Dogs

Anthony has been listening to music via Spotify on his iPad.  His team at school has been working with him getting his headphones, going to the Spotify app on his iPad, and choosing his playlist.  Yesterday was the first day we listened to music on the way home, I mean, he listened to it on his headphones, and he seemed to like it.  We always listen to music, classic and guitar-driven rock, super loud, on the way home, but he gets frustrated when there are too many commercials.  There are always too many commercials, ha!  He's doing really well with it, and I think it might be great if he could bring his iPad and headphones to church so we could all go.

Things continue to be good with our dog.  Anthony and she both seem to be settling in.  Mike noticed yesterday that she eats all her food when you give it to her.  Previously she just would eat a tiny bit and leave a bunch of it, and Mike says that shows that she's getting used to living here.  Anthony is getting used to her too, he's not as surprised when he sees her for the first time in the day.  Mike saw him sitting on the couch with her the other day, just laying his arm on her body, which is so sweet.  We have been trying to teach him to pet her instead of waving his fingers in front of her face, and we are having limited success, which I'll take.

Mostly I feel like things are going good.  We had an upsetting experience with Anthony's new pediatric neurologist but we are getting a new one.  This dude WAS the new one, so it's a pain but honestly.  We have to be able to find a neurologist who isn't a complete jerk, right?  This most recent guy had us take Anthony for an MRI, and he had to be sedated and he missed the whole morning at school.  Then the doctor's assistant called and said that his MRI was 'abnormal' but not 'dangerous' but the doctor wanted to meet with me and Mike to talk about it.  We made an appointment for the next week and went in but the woman in the office asked where Anthony was and said the doctor wouldn't see us unless we brought Anthony.  They really expected that we'd say oh, okay, and we'd leave and make another appointment for when we could bring Anthony!  I asked to see the assistant, I still had the voice mail on my phone where she said for ME and MIKE to come in and never mentioned Anthony.  This woman who came out, good Lord.  She was SUCH a jerk, she came out arms folded, chin up, churlish and childish and awful.  She said it was THEIR POLICY that the patient had to be there and I said well honey, you should have told me that because now I'm not leaving until I see that doctor and he tells me about the MRI of my son's BRAIN.  Ugh, so then the doctor came out, and shook my hand, the creep, his handshake was just like you'd expect, all warm and weak.  Anyways, he said that there were signs of perhaps a loss of oxygen at birth and that there was some grey matter which should be outside the brain was inside the brain and that's why he has epilepsy.  I said so it doesn't have anything to do with the fact that he has autism and he said nope, pure coincidence.

This seems like BS to me.  I know people who have had a loss of oxygen at birth and a lot of times they have - well like, a friend of mine's son has cerebral palsy, and autism.  I have another friend whose sister had a loss of oxygen at birth and she has cerebral palsy and intellectual development disorders.  I mean, I know Anthony has autism, obviously, but he has never presented as having intellectual disorders.  He is really smart, he was a smart baby and he is a smart ten year old.  Also, it just seems so crazy to me that he just happens to have epilepsy when he has autism too.  Like, a lot of kids with autism have epilepsy and half of those kids are non verbal.  All this plus the fact that we know like 1/1000 of what there is to know about the brain leads me to believe this is bs.  But we are getting a new neurologist and I guess we'll figure it out.

Here's a cute picture:

Dog

So we had a new dog come over yesterday and I guess she is going to be our new dog.  I think the woman from the rescue place is bringing her over on Wednesday night and I am taking her to be spayed on Friday morning.  It's so strange that they are just giving us a dog, I feel like when I have a baby and we leave the hospital.  I think, surely there are more tests than this?  You're not just going to trust us?

Anyway, her name is Maggie and she is much more of a puppy than I would have thought I'd like.  But we weren't having any luck with older dogs and I don't really want to get an older dog who is going to die in just a few years, I think that would be upsetting.

Anthony took a LONG time to warm up, honestly, he was freaking out, stranger than he's ever been with a dog before.  Mike and I were fighting the urge to be despondent about it, the girls were really excited and adorable, Maria especially, but it was SUPER annoying because they wouldn't stay away when we were trying to inch Anthony in near her.  Finally he petted her but - I mean, I felt like he was a little kooky with her, waggling his fingers near her face and sort of yelling.  He was really excited!

Oh I hope it works out.  I hope that some damned thing works out for us some time.

Victory in our Time

Last night I was driving Anthony to OT, the traffic is horrible.  They have been doing construction on this route forever, months and months.  It's so frustrating and I am just grateful that we only do it once a week.  Anyway, I was sitting in traffic and Anthony started grabbing at my shoulder, pushing at me.  I offered him my water and he pushed that away, so I got his iPad out of his bag and gave it to him and right away he said "I need to go to the bathroom".  I said okay, give me a second, and I got out of my far left lane of traffic and shot over to the right so I could get to the next light and then to the NEXT light and then park at a Hardees, where we ran in and got into the bathroom where he peed for two minutes straight!  I was super excited and kept telling him, great job, Anthony!  So we were leaving and he pulled me over to the counter where I bought him a Sprite.

It was so, so great.  First, he used his iPad to tell me something, THEN he held it until we got to the bathroom and THEN he knew that he deserved a reward AND where it was.  We had never been there before but of course he's been to fast food restaurants before and knows where everything is.

Then he went to OT and worked with his new therapist, who he really seems to like and who seems to love him.  It was a really great and sweet victory.

July

Christina went on vacation last week and we all missed her, but she's back this week.  She and Anthony went to a park on Monday night and she sent us this picture:

He loves to climb all the way to the top of whatever it is, a rock wall, whatever.  He is doing okay, I guess, although he gets really mad sometimes.  He was screaming and crying the night before last so much, and so late, that I thought he'd never calm down.  I don't know why he gets the way he does.  When it happens I feel like I don't know anything.

He is doing really well at Little Star, he worked with Pam, one of his long time therapists, this week and he did great.  She told me yesterday he made 56 unprompted requests from her in just one afternoon.  So it's pretty normal, he is doing very well at Little Star and just all right here.  I can't be engaged with him every second of every day, particularly because Felicity is being SUCH A JERK lately and they are arch enemies and we spend most of our time just picking stuff up off the floor, wiping up water that he's spilled, or pulling them off each other.  It's pretty miserable, now that I think about it.  I guess we should just look at the picture.

Epilepsy

How is Anthony's epilepsy, you might be wondering?  It's fine.  He hasn't had a seizure in several months, but I don't want to start talking about it too much or I'm afraid I'll jinx it.  He's taking his medicine so well, twice a day, and he seems fine, and no seizures, soooo, I'll take it!

He is doing well in school and he is doing OKAY with toilet training.  I can't believe I've been talking about it for like four years but in fairness, that is not as long as I didn't do training for him, sooo we are probably not yet even.

My biggest problem with Anthony lately is that I feel like I am always yelling at him, when I talk to him, and I don't see him that much.  My wrist has been broken/getting better for like eight or nine weeks and I started avoiding him in the beginning because I was afraid he'd hurt me and now, between that and the fact that he spends three nights/days with Christina, there's just not that much time.  We are making a concerted effort to spend more time with him and to do stuff as a family, and I hope it gets better.  This wrist has messed me up.

He has this super nice afternoon therapist, his name is John.  He's so good with Anthony, I mean, they all are but I love to see Anthony with a guy.  When Mike and he are together, or when he is with a male therapist, I feel like he seems like a guy's guy, and when he's with his sisters, he seems so annoyed, which anybody would be, but anyways.  He's a good addition to Anthony's team.  Also, his old therapist Sarah is back, who we all loved, and I'm sure he's thrilled.

He's going to be ten on the tenth of next month.  TEN.  Sometimes when I am listening to him yodel away, or when he is sitting on my lap, I think of the little baby he was.  I have never spent that much time with anyone in my LIFE and I will never forget it.  I think that's why it doesn't go fast for me, I feel every second I spent with him.  I feel like I remember every day.  I used to get mad about that but now it makes me so happy, that I can think back to when it was just the two of us.  And my floors were so clean because I vacuumed so much.  Ha!  Anthony Beck, keeping me vacuuming since 2005.

Autism

I always read these things about how you should tell your child they have autism and I always think pssssh I don't have to do that.  I don't know why I always poo poo it in my mind.  But today I was driving Anthony home and Felicity was sleeping and I told him he has autism and that's why it's hard for him to communicate, among other things.  I told him that he was our only kid who had it but that it didn't mean he wasn't as smart, as great, or as loved as the girls, it just meant we had to do some different stuff with him.  I said that's why he went to Little Star and that Mike and I would take care of everything he needs.  I cried quite a bit talking to him but I was wearing my sunglasses so I don't think he knew.  I'm glad I did it.

Occupational Therapy

Last night I was sitting outside Anthony's OT appointment and I could hear it wasn't going well.  "Leave my glasses alone", she was saying and, "ouch! That hurts me!", ugh.  She moved a table and two chairs out of the room that I guess he was climbing on.  I waited until he settled down and then I went out for a walk and when I came back and he finished, the OT and I were talking about why he is so riled up at the beginning of every session.

She said she has other non-verbal kids but none with the cognizance that Anthony has.  I know most mothers would think this but I really think it's true.  He is so smart, and he has all the words, he understands everything, he just can't say it.  She said once she got him some water and a snack he really settled down.  She said she thinks he is thirstier than she thinks he is, and I agree.  I think about how much the girls ask for water, it is ALL they do some days, it seems like.  If Anthony were thirsty half that much, that would still be pretty thirsty!  So we decided I'll bring water and a snack to OT from now on and we'll see if that helps.

I worry so much that he is scared, that he needs something and can't get it.  I'm hopeful that now that he is back full time at Little Star that we can keep working on his communication so he can use his iPad to communicate more needs, maybe even feelings.  Here's to hoping!

Day 26

I am not going to make 40 days, I broke my stupid wrist in Florida and can't type.  But A is doing very well, he is getting back on track with many things, toilet training, therapy, everything.  I missed him when I went to FL, but now that I'm back with my big stupid cast, I have to avoid him so he doesn't hit me.  But he's doing well overall and I'm mostly really grateful that he's back at Little Star full time.  Happy Easter!