He's been upstairs for two minutes and he's crying already. Maybe he's mad that he had to go to bed? Sometimes I have to put him to bed because I can't take him messing with stuff anymore. Lately he has been really into our large spoons. He takes them out of the drawer, plays with them a little, and then drops them wherever he is. It's crazy making! He's been having good days at school, he has a new therapist and it seems to be going well. I never know who at his school reads this blog so I just pretend nobody does and it keeps me relatively honest. That said, I like her too. She's lived and worked in NYC, which I of course like. :)
I am worried that he needs more OT, we are working on a plan and I hope it comes together. I know his sensory issues are responsible for so much of his ... other issues, I am trying to make something work. I am going to get him a swing, I should just order it tonight. I have a cold and have for the last ... several months, it feels like, so I am dragging. I can't ever do anything on the computer, or at a desk, while the girls are up and today when they were napping I exercised, so I feel like I've accomplished nothing.
He is crying and crying. I guess I'll go up soon. I hate to hear him cry, especially right after he goes up! Tonight he said "good night" and "I you" when I prompted him, maybe he's mad about that. Maybe he takes it back?
I was reading some of Temple Grandin's book and in it, she says how if there were a way she could flip a switch and not have autism anymore, she wouldn't do it. When I read that, I thought, that's why I have such a problem with the talk about magic pills and how we'd take away our kids' autism if we could. It's not mine to take away, I figure. It's Anthony's, and when I talk about what I would do or not do for him with regard to taking his autism away, I'm focusing more on me than on him and I don't think that helps him or me. BUT I wish I could take all of his pain away, all of his frustration and anger and tears. But doesn't that just make me a mother? Doesn't everyone wish that they could take away their children's pain and fears? We can't, though. I can't take away Maria's pain that she gets when I don't let her do whatever she wants. I have to teach her how to get through life, even a life in which she can't make everyone bend to her will. It's the exact same with Anthony, only more ... intense.
I am going to go see if maybe he is hungry. How I wish these fools would eat at dinnertime and not leave all their pecking for right before bed, after we've brushed their teeth.